I was really into the US version of X Factor a few months ago. Even though they got rid of my beloved Cheryl Cole because apparently no one could understand her accent (um, hi do we ever know what Paula is really saying?), I still watched the show every week. I didn’t vote though, so I believe I still have some street cred. By the way, Melanie Amaro had a great voice but she was boring. I wanted Josh to win. But in reality I wanted Marcus to win, not a strong voice but dang he was charismatic and like a young Usher/Ne-Yo.
Judges Nicole Scherzinger and Paula Abdul and host Steve Jones got the axe in January. The only person I feel sad about is Paula, at least she was crazy but in a good way. You expect some outlandish things from her, she’s just being Paula. Nicole was annoying and why was she even judging the show? Sure, she has a great voice, but her claims to fame are Eden’s Crush and the Pussycat Dolls. Steve Jones, where the heck did you come from? Hate to break it to you, but you’re the new Brian Dunkleman (remember when Ryan Seacrest wasn’t the only host on American Idol?).
Ever since Nicole, Paula and Steve were let go there have been plenty of rumors about who’s going to take their places. Apparently Simon’s going to hire two female judges and two hosts. Whitney Houston (RIP, girl) was said to have been in talks, but maybe Simon just said that because he wanted some publicity that weekend. Mariah Carey and Mr. Mariah Carey, Nick Cannon, were in talks to judge and host, respectively. Janet Jackson was rumored to be in discussions. Recently, it’s been reported that Britney was offered $10 million to judge, but she’s holding out for more. And just today, I found out that Glee’s Darren Criss was offered a chance to host the show but turned it down because of his many time commitments (that actually could have been really cool, but I would have missed my Blaine solos on Glee).
So which ladies should judge? Here’s my wishlist:
Britney Spears: This could happen and it makes me really happy. She would be crazy and she would say “y’all” all the time and show up to rehearsals in Uggs and cutoff shorts with bag of cheetos and/or a Starbucks Frappucino in hand. That’s our Brit. But will she be able to be “on” for weeks at a time? That’s up in the air, but if Christina can do it on The Voice, Britney can do it too.
Justin Timberlake: I know, JT is a boy, but if Britney’s judging, we gotta somehow get him on the show as well. This strategic move would be for two purposes: getting Justin to stop acting and go back to making music and getting Britney and Justin back together. Two birds, one stone.
Celine Dion: When I found out that Whitney might have been a candidate for X Factor judge, I got unbelievably sad. She would’ve rocked it. Next choice? Celine. Please someone sing “That’s the Way It Is” next season.
Taylor Swift: I love her, but she would never be able to be mean. So that would be part exasperating/part hilarious to watch. She should get the boys team and proceed to fall in love with all of them. Then write a couple songs about that.
Betty White: Just because. And hey, Ellen was a judge on American Idol, I don’t think she’s ever put out an album before either.
Stevie Nicks: I have nothing sarcastic to say. That would be awesome. Or they should get Carole King.
Cheryl Cole: BRING HER BACK SIMON.